I have been serving at Journey Community Church in some aspect for the past ten years. Except for the occasional vacation or illness, I have been there for at least one of our three weekend services, every weekend. This might be considered normal for someone in full time ministry, however, I am a volunteer. Up until about 6 months ago, I used to say this was the best part time job I ever had, with the greatest benefits.
Since I am an introvert, I enjoy serving behind the scenes. One roll I have is to help coordinate our Lasting Impression Teams. This "first touch" ministry consists of ushers, greeters, decorators, daily journey and guest services. Another roll I have is that of Onsite Event Manager for The Global Leadership Summit. Journey has been a host location for the past seven years. Although both rolls can be physically challenging, I gain great strength and pleasure from doing my very best to ensure our guests have a distraction free environment, so that God may meet them just where they are in their journey. It takes a great deal of coordination, planning and timing to pull this off. Because of the behind the scenes nature of my roll, I tend to miss most of the messages.
I would "fill my bucket" by listening to the messages on my ipod later on in the week, or read books on leadership, or on rare occasions go out of town for a conference. This seemed to do the trick, until about six months ago. I can't quite put my finger on the one thing that changed. It was probably little things building up over time.
Dealing with a team of volunteers has its own challenges, at times it can be quite chaotic. I kept tripping over the same stumbling blocks - leaders not showing up, or not following through. I tried to remind myself that they were volunteers, but it got tougher and tougher not to get angry. After all, I am a volunteer. I have a full time job, a husband and a house to take care of. I am there almost every week. I would spend lunch breaks or evenings preparing things for the upcoming weekend, or for an upcoming leadership meeting. I even take vacation time to fulfill some of my volunteer duties. How tough could it be for them to show up on time to a meeting, or follow through with the one thing I asked them to do??? I started to not gain as much pleasure and joy out of serving. I was loosing passion.
The last straw was something that happened in preparation for our Easter weekend services. As a volunteer who was working on Good Friday, I was having trouble getting other volunteers to commit to serving for the same reason - they were working. When I saw that I would not be able to support a portion of our service due to the lack of volunteers. I asked for help. I got met with resistance. And excuses. What ran through my head - I don't need this crap. I am a volunteer. You get paid to do this.
Journey has a ministry called New Format. This is our service for college aged people. They have weekly services and have ministries similar to our main worship service. They have a tech team and a production team and a people team. The people team is New Format's version of what I oversee - The Lasting Impression Teams.
About a year and a half ago, I was asked to mentor the people team. This would consist of meeting with them at least twice a year and share insights, encourage, inspire and be supportive. I loved these meetings. Truth be told, I get more encouragement and inspiration out of our meetings than I think I give them!
In March I was asked to again join them for their meeting in April. Just like in the past, I began to pray about what God would have me share with them. I got nothing.....
I had not been consistently reading anything dealing with leadership. I had not been excited about serving with my own team. I was still reeling from Easter. I had no idea what I was going to do. It crossed my mind to make something up and fake my way through the meeting. But I didn't. I realized that wouldn't be fair and maybe God wanted me to share that ministry isn't always roses and sunshine.
The night of the meeting we broke into small prayer circles for a few minutes before we met in teams. I thought what was prayed in prayer circles stayed in prayer circles. Wrong! I had asked God for strength and the words to share because I felt so empty and had nothing of myself to give.
I should be mad at Ja (our worship pastor) for saying something to Rod (the pastor I report to) about "my being a bit off" (I think that's how he put it) but I am not. It opened a conversation I had been avoiding.
As I opened up to Rod about ministry feeling more like a job than a passion. That I felt empty and dry. He mentioned three things that he felt could be the root of this. Sin, the need for a rebirth, or faith. I didn't tell him then, but they all struck a nerve. I am very angry with some of the team. (sin) I need to see my ministry through fresh eyes. (rebirth) I need to trust that God will bring me through this season. (faith)
Last Monday, I sent the entire LIT group an email briefly explaining my vacation. I felt so free and less stressed than I have felt in a long time. I am encouraged by the support I am getting from my fellow Journey-ites for my decision to take a step back and reconnect with my first love. I am going to continue to post my "travels" during this vacation. Hope you enjoy the ride!
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